The Wicker Bollocks Redux
Feb. 3rd, 2013 12:21 pm![[personal profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
magisterThe Wicker Man 2006.
Traumatised traffic cop with allergy to bee stings visits island famous for its honey, answering a call for help from his ex. Hilarity ensues.
Neil LaBute’s remake of The Wicker Man shows the extent to which so many films are dumbed down these days. In the original, Sergeant Howie arrives on the island and over the course of his stay works out – via oblique hints from the inhabitants – what is going on, being unknowingly led into the trap waiting for him. The audience is trusted to have the brains to follow him and to keep up with the revelations as they come. Here, Malus arrives on the island and is repeatedly told by his ex what is going on, that this is a strange society, that they are dangerous, etc, etc, etc. In short, we are not trusted to be able to follow the plot without getting regular summaries of the story so far. Oh, plus we get regular flashbacks to a car crash every ten minutes, just in case we forgot about it.
Edward Woodward’s character does everything that he does, placing himself in danger to find a girl he does not know, because, while he may be a humourless prig, he cares about his job and tries to do it to the best of his ability. Cage’s character does this because – well take your pick. He watched a little girl die in a car crash. His girlfriend asked him to. He finds Rowan is his daughter. Oh, plus we get regular flashbacks to the car crash every ten minutes, just in case we forgot about it. Actually on the subject of fatherhood – did anyone find this a surprise? Bar the character, of course. From the point that he received the letter and – hmm, let’s see now, so they were in love a carefully unspecified number of years ago and she’s got a young daughter. Gosh – do you think she could be his? Well that’d sure be an interesting twist to the story wouldn’t it? Actually, no. It wouldn’t. It does make you wonder what the filmmakers’ view of the audience is, doesn’t it? Presumably that they won’t accept someone risking his life to save a child unless he’s her father and in love with the mother and emotionally disturbed because of The One He Couldn’t Save. Nice. Clearly then, the character’s no longer a virgin, unlike Sgt Howie in the original. In fact we already knew this prior to release. LaBute had told us that there was no way he could make it credible that Nic Cage was a virgin. Sorry mate – you’re the director and the writer. It’s your job to make it credible. Although if you’re that biased in favour of leather-skinned, horse-faced Elvis impersonators… Oh, plus we get regular flashbacks to the car crash every ten minutes, just in case we forgot about it.
And while we’re on changes to the character of the policeman, whose idea was his tendency to Bruce Lee moments? To wit the scene where a woman literally half his size tries to scratch his face and he responds with a couple of flying kicks that knock her into the wall. So – was this scene actually sponsored by the American Friends of Chuck Norris Association? Who exactly thought it was a good idea for the hero to repeatedly kick a woman half his size in the head with a rousing cry of “Goddamn it!” And the entertaining thing about all this is LaBute’s comment that he found Woodward’s character in 1973 hard to like. Erm – sorry – wasn’t that at least partly the point? He’s unlikable but at least partly admirable – he cares about his job and remains firm in his beliefs in the face of provocation, temptation and death. And Edward Malus is likeable because - ? Any suggestions?
Plus of course a major theme of the original has vanished – the clash of religions. Back to the dumbing down theme. In 1973, we had a lengthy and thought-provoking discussion between Howie and Summerisle on rival religions and the history of the islands. In 2006, while Summersisle discusses suppression of femininity, the best Malus can manage is to rave about “all you wackos” and to ask why there are so many beekeepers on the island. Here’s a hint – it’s so they can look after the bees – you know, the bees that make the world-famous honey that was the reason you found out about the island. Oh, it’s all too painful. Oh, plus we get regular flashbacks to the car crash every ten minutes, just in case we forgot about it.
And so instead of the clash of religions, we get the clash of the sexes. All the men on the island are subjugated. Nic Cage kicks a woman in the head. He’s burnt to death by his own daughter – it’s a criticism of the family structure, dontcha know. Instead of “Summer is icumin in”, they all chant “The drone must die”. Yes, yes, they’re like bees. We get it. Which leads on to another point – LaBute has been quoted as saying that anyone who likes the original soundtrack, he’s not sure if he wants people like that to enjoy his film, because they clearly have very poor taste. I’m sorry – who thought it was a good idea to get this man as director? Oh, plus we get regular flashbacks to the car crash every ten minutes, just in case we forgot about it. And by now, those flashbacks are really getting annoying.
Plus there are points that just seem to make no sense at all. We’ve already dealt with the Real Kung-fu Action Nic Cage Action Figure, so we won’t go over that ground again. On the other hand, there’s the attempt to emulate the double-bluff dream sequence in American Werewolf – less said about that the better. Also, if he’s so important to them for the sacrifice – why does someone try to drown him in the crypt? Come to that, why does he fall through the floor in the barn? Was it just thought that nothing had happened for a while and they should liven it up? And one more comparison with the original. Edward Woodward in the wicker man gets to quote scripture, sing “The Lord’s My Shepherd” and pray for his soul. It's a horrific moment and also a deeply moving one - we're watching a man take comfort in his beliefs in the face of his agonising death. Nic Cage gets to shout “Don’t do that, honey!” sounding like he’s telling his daughter not to eat jam straight from the jar… Also, Nic Cage is playing a man lethally allergic to bee stings. So he rides his bike into a field full of beehives and crashes into one, because it hasn’t occurred to him to look where he’s going. Y’know – so he doesn’t crash into a bee hive and get stung to death.
It seems barely worth commenting on the names (losing the will to live here…), but aside from the obvious references – the cop is called Edward, the child is called Woodward – there is also the point that the cop’s surname is Malus – Latin for apple, the original export of Summerisle. On the other hand, it could just be because it’s pronounced as Male-us. Nic Cage's character represents all men? Not me, he doesn't.
Traumatised traffic cop with allergy to bee stings visits island famous for its honey, answering a call for help from his ex. Hilarity ensues.
Neil LaBute’s remake of The Wicker Man shows the extent to which so many films are dumbed down these days. In the original, Sergeant Howie arrives on the island and over the course of his stay works out – via oblique hints from the inhabitants – what is going on, being unknowingly led into the trap waiting for him. The audience is trusted to have the brains to follow him and to keep up with the revelations as they come. Here, Malus arrives on the island and is repeatedly told by his ex what is going on, that this is a strange society, that they are dangerous, etc, etc, etc. In short, we are not trusted to be able to follow the plot without getting regular summaries of the story so far. Oh, plus we get regular flashbacks to a car crash every ten minutes, just in case we forgot about it.
Edward Woodward’s character does everything that he does, placing himself in danger to find a girl he does not know, because, while he may be a humourless prig, he cares about his job and tries to do it to the best of his ability. Cage’s character does this because – well take your pick. He watched a little girl die in a car crash. His girlfriend asked him to. He finds Rowan is his daughter. Oh, plus we get regular flashbacks to the car crash every ten minutes, just in case we forgot about it. Actually on the subject of fatherhood – did anyone find this a surprise? Bar the character, of course. From the point that he received the letter and – hmm, let’s see now, so they were in love a carefully unspecified number of years ago and she’s got a young daughter. Gosh – do you think she could be his? Well that’d sure be an interesting twist to the story wouldn’t it? Actually, no. It wouldn’t. It does make you wonder what the filmmakers’ view of the audience is, doesn’t it? Presumably that they won’t accept someone risking his life to save a child unless he’s her father and in love with the mother and emotionally disturbed because of The One He Couldn’t Save. Nice. Clearly then, the character’s no longer a virgin, unlike Sgt Howie in the original. In fact we already knew this prior to release. LaBute had told us that there was no way he could make it credible that Nic Cage was a virgin. Sorry mate – you’re the director and the writer. It’s your job to make it credible. Although if you’re that biased in favour of leather-skinned, horse-faced Elvis impersonators… Oh, plus we get regular flashbacks to the car crash every ten minutes, just in case we forgot about it.
And while we’re on changes to the character of the policeman, whose idea was his tendency to Bruce Lee moments? To wit the scene where a woman literally half his size tries to scratch his face and he responds with a couple of flying kicks that knock her into the wall. So – was this scene actually sponsored by the American Friends of Chuck Norris Association? Who exactly thought it was a good idea for the hero to repeatedly kick a woman half his size in the head with a rousing cry of “Goddamn it!” And the entertaining thing about all this is LaBute’s comment that he found Woodward’s character in 1973 hard to like. Erm – sorry – wasn’t that at least partly the point? He’s unlikable but at least partly admirable – he cares about his job and remains firm in his beliefs in the face of provocation, temptation and death. And Edward Malus is likeable because - ? Any suggestions?
Plus of course a major theme of the original has vanished – the clash of religions. Back to the dumbing down theme. In 1973, we had a lengthy and thought-provoking discussion between Howie and Summerisle on rival religions and the history of the islands. In 2006, while Summersisle discusses suppression of femininity, the best Malus can manage is to rave about “all you wackos” and to ask why there are so many beekeepers on the island. Here’s a hint – it’s so they can look after the bees – you know, the bees that make the world-famous honey that was the reason you found out about the island. Oh, it’s all too painful. Oh, plus we get regular flashbacks to the car crash every ten minutes, just in case we forgot about it.
And so instead of the clash of religions, we get the clash of the sexes. All the men on the island are subjugated. Nic Cage kicks a woman in the head. He’s burnt to death by his own daughter – it’s a criticism of the family structure, dontcha know. Instead of “Summer is icumin in”, they all chant “The drone must die”. Yes, yes, they’re like bees. We get it. Which leads on to another point – LaBute has been quoted as saying that anyone who likes the original soundtrack, he’s not sure if he wants people like that to enjoy his film, because they clearly have very poor taste. I’m sorry – who thought it was a good idea to get this man as director? Oh, plus we get regular flashbacks to the car crash every ten minutes, just in case we forgot about it. And by now, those flashbacks are really getting annoying.
Plus there are points that just seem to make no sense at all. We’ve already dealt with the Real Kung-fu Action Nic Cage Action Figure, so we won’t go over that ground again. On the other hand, there’s the attempt to emulate the double-bluff dream sequence in American Werewolf – less said about that the better. Also, if he’s so important to them for the sacrifice – why does someone try to drown him in the crypt? Come to that, why does he fall through the floor in the barn? Was it just thought that nothing had happened for a while and they should liven it up? And one more comparison with the original. Edward Woodward in the wicker man gets to quote scripture, sing “The Lord’s My Shepherd” and pray for his soul. It's a horrific moment and also a deeply moving one - we're watching a man take comfort in his beliefs in the face of his agonising death. Nic Cage gets to shout “Don’t do that, honey!” sounding like he’s telling his daughter not to eat jam straight from the jar… Also, Nic Cage is playing a man lethally allergic to bee stings. So he rides his bike into a field full of beehives and crashes into one, because it hasn’t occurred to him to look where he’s going. Y’know – so he doesn’t crash into a bee hive and get stung to death.
It seems barely worth commenting on the names (losing the will to live here…), but aside from the obvious references – the cop is called Edward, the child is called Woodward – there is also the point that the cop’s surname is Malus – Latin for apple, the original export of Summerisle. On the other hand, it could just be because it’s pronounced as Male-us. Nic Cage's character represents all men? Not me, he doesn't.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-02-03 05:49 pm (UTC)I'm sorry you've been watching such bollocks lately, though; I hope you get to see fun things now to reward yourself :)
(no subject)
Date: 2013-02-03 05:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-02-03 06:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-02-03 10:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-02-03 07:57 pm (UTC)I am frankly at a loss as to why LaBute was allowed to get his claws into this film. I understand why the Wicker Tree got made, and its a shame that film isn't nearly as good- but I don't think it was ever going to be, and at least with the same director on board it was probably going to be as good as it could be. But this? Its like Stephanie bloody Meyers writing about vampires when she's never even seen a bloody horror film.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-02-03 10:30 pm (UTC)